GuanXi 关系

One truth that prevails across all cultures is the old phrase “It’s not what you know, but who you know.”  This is particularly true in China.  Loans can be issued, documents approved, businesses opened/closed, complaints investigated all on your connection to the person in charge at the moment.  The word for this in Mandarin is 关系 or relational capital. You can only make new contacts when your关系 or relationships is passed on by the mutual acquaintance.  Without relational capital almost nothing can be done.

I have seen this play out at the political and city wide level but I was able to have my own personal experience wit关系 this week.  Friends of mine from my Sunday fellowship heard about a pregnant women clear across the country who needed help.  Knowing no one personally in the city we was in, I reached out to my contacts to see if anyone knew of anyone who lived in that city and could possibly help this woman. After obtaining the email address for a Sunday fellowship leader in that city, I asked if anyone in his congregation to assist this woman.  Immediately he responded with two names, one of a local organization who can help and the other of a fellowship member.  As I was contacting the local organization (who I would never have heard about any other way because of security issues), I contacted Susan.  A few minutes into the phone call she said that my last name sounded familiar and asked if I was related to my Aunt.  Turned out this woman and my Aunt were language school classmates over 20 years ago.  From there, the conversation flowed naturally and we devised a plan to visit this woman in need and then collect resources to help her in the future.  The woman ended up being well cared for by this fellowship and local organization.  My关系 via my Aunt lead the people down in this city to assist a random stranger from across the country.

It blew me away how quick to help these people were.  They are following Him and doing what they can for the least of these in their city. I am sure they would have helped this woman if they discovered her without my phone call, but my involvement speed up the process.  This week I am reminded about the power of the Church Universal.  We have such a diverse group of people all over the globe that are called to love and serve sacrificially.  I got to personally witness strangers in another city physically help when I could not. Friends back in America donated money to assist this woman with medical costs.  Friends in Beijing collected donations to send down.  I am so grateful to know such an incredible group of quick responders who are willing to help anyone in need. 

Strength in Numbers

           I have been reflecting recently on the power of diversity found in community.  We were designed to be in relationship, to learn from others.  There is such strength found when different people are intentional about bringing their best to the table. Everyone was created with different skill sets and abilities.  I know that I have many wonderful attributes to contribute to any group of people, but my skills alone are not sufficient.  I need other people to bring their best so that I can more fully experience all the attributes of our Father. 

Gifts mixes are designed to work together.  On a recent trip to Shanghai, I became sick and my friend Emily and I ended up needing to reschedule our flight.  Emily is one the most compassionate and attentive people I have the pleasure of knowing.  I could not have had a better person to help take care of me when I was feeling ill.  As Emily was helping us reschedule our flight and making sure I had water and a comfortable place to sit, I suddenly remembered that Emily had checked baggage and her bag was about to leave for Shanghai without her.  [Honestly, it seemed like that was the only coherent thought I had during the entire night]. Emily was able to inform the fight staff in enough time to keep her bag from traveling across the country without her.  When we finally on the way to Shanghai and immune systems were back in full swing, Emily and I started laughing about how my attention to detail was crucial in that situation.  That skill is so ingrained in me that it came out even while I was not operating at my best.  Attention to detail, however, is no comfort.  I needed Emily’s compassion just as much as she needed her bag. 

While this is a small example, it reminded me of the importance of relationship and appreciating differences.  What do I miss by not asking for help, allowing others to speak into my life.  What aspects of our Father’s character do I not see because I am focused on myself and what I can do well?  How could our communities, fellowships, families change if we actively celebrated our diversity?

Celebration and Honor

This year I have had the privilege of attending the birthday parties of two local friends.  It is an honor for me to have them in my life, to call them my friend and be invited to help them celebrate this big day.  So I was stunned to find out that for both friends, this was their first ever official birthday party.  Both of these women come from the countryside where it is not common to celebrate birthdays.  Both women received gifts from family members and ate their favorite meal on their birthday, but there was no party like we think of in the West. 

I love living here and love all the things I learn in a different culture.  I think Chinese culture is very good at honoring the past, of communally celebrating Chinese history and culture.  There are multiple cultural festivals and holidays through the year and China is very good at celebrating the holidays.  For most people, it is not just a long weekend but a day to remember the past and connect with family.  Chinese culture is very good at creating community and corporate unity (two qualities I think are lacking in many Western cultures).  On the opposite side of the spectrum, Western cultures (particularly America) is very good at celebrating the individual.  Singular achievements are celebrated and acknowledged, which is good and healthy in appropriate doses.  The longer I live overseas the more I feel convinced that we need to find a health balance between celebrating individuals and acknowledging the importance of connection and community.

It was surprising to me to hear that two dear friends have never had a birthday party like I had growing up.  I made it my mission to throw them the birthday party of their dreams.  When I ask each person what they wanted to do they replied, “What can I do for my birthday?”  I responded that they can do whatever they want.  It is their special day and their party should reflect their personality and interests.  It took multiple conversations to get them to fully embrace the idea that they were in complete control over the celebrations agenda and the people attending really, truly did not care what they chose.  It took a while for me to realize the culture clash.  They were coming from a perspective of putting their friend’s needs above their own.  When I framed it from the perspective that in American culture a way we show respect is by honoring each person’s individuality and unique interests, the women were more comfortable with the idea.  I was able to help them realize that my only goal for celebrating their birthday was to make them feel special, loved, and honored.  Whatever we did and whatever we ate where not important.  

In the end I attended two birthday parties that were a real reflection of each woman.  During the parties I heard multiple times from each woman that they felt so honored to have people celebrate their birthday.  Both of my friends said that their parties were a day they will never forget.  Felicity said that she almost cried multiple times from happiness.  As I reflect on their words, I do not think it was the birthday party itself that struck such a deep chord.  It was the celebration of them as an individual, the honoring of their unique wiring and created design that resonated with each woman’s heart.  The birthday party was a vehicle to honor each woman.  In a culture that is all about community, seeing into the heart of the individual was the most important thing.

I am blown away that something that is so natural for me was able to so deeply impact my friends.  It also served as reminder that no matter what I do, I want to communicate honor and respect to each person I encounter.  While this is not an everyday example of honoring someone, it is a good reminder that each of my actions should reflect this desire.