Six Years!

Today is my 6th year anniversary of living in China! I can’t believe how quickly the time as passed.  It seems like only a few months ago that I moved to Beijing. 

Reflecting on this important milestone, I want to share six key lessons I have learned the past six years.

1. Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously

Moving to another culture, its inevitable you will make mistakes. Adapting to a city of 24 million people, learning a difficult language, figuring out how to order food at a restaurant and learning new table manners, there are plenty of chances to make mistakes and embarrass yourself.  

When I mispronounced a word when ordering food and accidentally cursed at the server, that was humiliating.  Not holding the handle on the bus and flying across the isle when the driver had to slam on the breaks, cases you to lose a little face.  Instead of being paralyzed with fear of messing up or looking foolish, I learned to embrace it.

I could be so self-conscious that I never tried anything new.  My motto became “Give people a good story to tell.”  I’ve embraced opportunities to learn, grow and put a smile on someone’s face.  Instead of focusing on the uh-oh moments throughout my day, I think about spreading joy and providing 55 people on the bus a great story to tell over dinner about the foreigner who did the funniest thing today.  

2. Smiles Break The Ice

Closely tied to not taking yourself too seriously, is smiling. When you make a mistake, smile and laugh so other people know its ok to laugh at the ridiculous thing you just did.  When I’m in a conversation that seems to be taking forever because of my progressing language ability, smiling helps the person know that I am trying my best and they are much more patient with me.  

Smiling at the cleaning lady, subway attendant, security guard, or people who are often in “behind the scenes” positions makes them feel appreciated.  Smiling is such a simple thing that spreads joy and shows people know they are seen and valued.  

 3. Be Generous

Generosity is more than sharing your time, resources, money, skills or talents.  I truly believe generous assumptions make my life better and allow me to be a better human being as I go through my day.

It is uncomfortably easy to think I am always in the right.  My fallen nature is constantly on the look out for #1 (aka myself).  When confusion, disagreements, misunderstanding or conflict arise, it is easy to assume that I am correct. (Living in a different culture where I am constantly learning, there are daily situations that present some clash in expectations.) This assumption can quickly be taken a step further, where I make up a story that the person is going out of their way to be annoying. Based off this false narrative, it can be easy to enter an interaction defensively where I am being curt with someone who is just trying to help me.

People are doing the best that they can. They might be having an off day or not expressing themselves well, but they are honestly doing their best.  Logically, I know they are not lying awake at night thinking of ways to make my life harder (even thought it is easy to get into pity-party mode and make this story up in my head). 

If I am judgmental and defensive, it only makes the situation taxing and stressful on everyone.  When I am generous with my assumptions, I am able to enter a situation in a peaceful state of mind, eager to look for a mutual solution, and am quicker to notice how accommodating and helpful the other person is being.  

Generous assumptions make life easier on everyone and allow difficult situations to be resolved with a genuine smile! Believe people are doing their best and expect them to show you how great they can be.

4. Different is Different (Not Better or Worse)

I’m a creature of habit.  Growing up in America, I got used to certain systems, patterns, and ways of life.  Moving to another country, I had to learn a new set of rules, norms, patterns, and way of life.  When I first arrived, it was incredibly easy to judge the new systems I was learning.  I would encounter a problem and think, “Well if they did it this way, it would be so much easier.”  I assumed I was correct and that people were being difficult for no reason.  Learning lesson #3 helped me see that I was actually being judgmental of the culture and people I came to serve.  I was being selfish and stressing myself out because of my own flaws. I have had so many rich experiences since I have matured and laid down my judgements.

Americans drinking ice water baffles my Chinese friends. In traditional Chinese medicine, cold liquid disrupts the digestive process and can cause many diseases.  Women especially should not drink cold liquid, since it can interfere with the reproductive system.  Restaurants offer you hot tea or room temperature water.  My coworkers drink boiling hot water, even in the middle of July.  They think it is strange that I drink water with ice cubes.  We are both used to the temperature we grew up with. Neither beverage is wrong. There is no moral argument in ice water vs hot water, it is just different.

Normal is comfortable, but that doesn’t mean different is wrong. Cultures are different and diverse.  Diversity is a wonderful, beautiful reflection of our Creator. 

I have learned so much about being generous, servant hearted, looking out for my neighbor/community, being respectful, and enjoying life from my friends here in China.  I have learned so much about respect and including people from multiple generations watching how grandparents take care of their grandchildren in Beijing. There are too many examples to name, but the underlying principle is the same.  Open your heart to learn from the people around you, and you will experience richness.

5. Be Flexible

Before moving to China I was a full time graduate student working 30+ hours a week.  To say I had a finely tuned schedule is an understatement.  If I didn’t schedule it in, it didn’t happen.  

Asian cultures are much more relaxed, schedule wise, than Western cultures.  In a country with this many people, things can change at the last minute.  This was one of my biggest initial challenges, learning not to be frustrated with change. Rules and procedures can change from one day to the next. There is no way to know how long an errand can take until you get there.

I had to let go of my expectations and learn to go with the flow.  Not planning every minute of every day has lead to some great adventures—a spontaneous bike ride to Tian’an Men Square, picnics in the park after work, meeting new people and being invited to their birthday party that same day.  Even traffic has become enjoyable since I learned to see it as more quality time with my friends who are also stuck in the car with me.

Being flexible has helped me to realize where my priorities lie.  I want to value experiences and people more than a schedule. While I am still a planner, I’ve learned to find the joy in the changes and challenges.  When you are prepared for a 3 hour line you can either read a good book, catch up on podcasts, or be happy when the line is only 1.5 hours.  It’s all about perspective!

6. The Importance of Patience

Being patient with myself was one of the biggest lessons I have learned in China.  Every single day I am learning new vocabulary words, insight into the culture, meeting people from different countries, or learning how to work with people who have different personalities from me.  As a person who values growth, this challenge is exciting but also a point of frustration.  I love personal development, but want to grow right immediately!! I want to skip the messy middle and become a master of that skill set.  Unfortunately, that is not how life works.

All good things take time.  Learning one of the hardest languages certainly takes time.  I used to be so frustrated that I couldn’t learn all my new vocabulary words as quickly as some of my classmates. It was easy to beat myself up for all the things I didn’t know instating of celebrating the vocabulary words that I did know.

I realized that if I cannot be patient with myself, how was I going to be patient with others? 

Giving myself grace, being patient in the middle of the process, has helped me be a happier person.  It has also helped me extend patience and grace to other people.  You can’t be generous or kind when you are impatient. Slowing down and being patient has helped me live out my values by focusing on those around me. 

I'm looking forward to the lesson that 2018 will teach me. 

Stewarding Your Call

One of the big takeaways I got from attending my annual conference is the call to steward my gifts and dreams well.  Over the weeklong conference, I was reminded of the many dreams and desires that He has placed in my heart. I have always loved history, have been drawn to study systems and how they affect government decisions.  It is a dream of mine to testify before the United States Congress or be a keynote speaker at a United Nations conference.  I want to be able to knowledgably speak into government decisions, to encourage policy makers to bring Kingdom principles into reality.  What does that look like?  How will I do that?  When will I do that?  Absolutely not clue.

What I do know is that He is calling me to steward that passion and dream.  What that means in the short run is to devote my time to learning more about global politics, spending more time reading the news and understanding situations that I am not familiar with.  It means doing what I can (learning) until I am given more clear direction for the future.

So while I was in Bangkok after conference I spend the afternoon browsing the bookstore and purchasing books to help me be a better global citizen.  Here is the pile of books I amassed in Thailand, 8 in all.  My suitcase barely shut but I am 

excited to learn all that I can.  I’ve already finished 3 of the books in this picture!

Woven Together

This month I attended my annual conference.  The theme was woven together and we had works of art displayed around the room highlighting this theme.  At the front of the Conference room there was a big collage with almost 200 pieces that were put together throughout the week using materials from the different locations people in my org. serve in.  At first the task seemed daunting, but when everyone chipped in and did 10-20 minutes’ worth of collage making, by the 5^th day the entire piece was done.  Here it is below.

Another amazing piece was a tapestry made of cloth materials from 9 different locations.  The professional artist, Annika, started the weaving but then the rest of us were encouraged to weave during worshp times or throughout the day.  A few days in this stunning work of art was created. 

I love this piece not only because it is beautiful but I feel like it is so symbolic of the Kingdom.  We have people from numerous backgrounds/histories with passions, gifts, skills, and abilities that are as diverse as possible.  If you put it under a microscope, various parts might not look like they fit together.  However, when you pull back into the entire tapestry that is His Kingdom, you see how much we all need each other and how we were created to work together and depend upon each other.

Though none of the fabrics on the piece were created by a fabric artist to be a perfect match to material produced across the world, under the skill hand of the artist it become a master piece.  I think one of my big take away from this year’s conference is how dependent we need to be upon each other.  I might have another person’s calling, but they have principles and teachings that I can learn from to be a better servant in my own area.  Life is more beautiful with variety. 

4 Years

Today is the 4^th anniversary of my move to Beijing.  It is hard to believe that four years ago I left California to start serving over here.  What a wild ride it has been.  I am never sure I will fully be able to articulate all the things that living in China has taught me. I know for sure that moving overseas has made me a better person. 

Here are some of thing that I have learned (or am learning to do better) since moving:

 Don’t take yourself seriously. 
Living in a new culture and attempting to learn the hardest language in the world, it is inevitable that you will make a mistake.  I can either be flustered by all the things I am getting wrong, or I can laugh about it and see it as an opportunity to brighten someone’s day.  As opposed to being embarrassed by the incorrect sentence I just said (“Today’s noodles” as opposed to the “see you tomorrow” I was attempting to say) I can view my Chinese cultural growth as a change to make other people smile.  I no longer easily get embarrassed by flubbing up words or doing something considered strange on the bus (which happens more often than you think 4 years in).  I look at it from the perspective of giving people a great story to tell over the dinner table.  When I think of it as spreading joy and letting people share a “you’ll never guess what this foreigner I say today” story, it makes learning a lot more fun.

 

    The way you know isn’t better, it the only way you know.

I am a person who loves systems and an order to wrap my mind around.  When I understand the system, something clicks in my head and I can work within the system with a better attitude.  Well, moving to another country with a vastly different political philosophy than your home country is one way to get the rug pulled out from under you.  Over my time here, I have come to understand that the system in one country is not (generally speaking) better.  It is my natural tendency is to default to the way things work “back home” and I can become frustrated with the reality in my current country of residence.  When I realize that the system is different, it helps quell my anxiety and allows me to be more patient.

This rule also applies to what is considered rude.  Rudeness is a cultural construct, being different in each country.  What is considered rude in America is most likely not considered rude here. I should not be angry with people against a standard they have never heard of.  I need to learn not to be rude in my host culture, not judge a different culture by the standards I grew up with.

People will surprise you.

I am constantly amazed by the stories I hear from different people.  Grandma sharing about her childhood during the 1960s, foreigner living in the country since the 1980s, taxi driver who has driven race cars professionally, people who no formal education who speak 4 languages.  I am surprised by the amount of skills and knowledge people around me have.

Listening is key.

The only way to learn the culture and to understand people’s hearts.

  Patience.

This one is particularly hard for me since I like things to be efficient.  Something that would take 20 minutes in America could take the entire day here.  Did the law change overnight and now the policy is completely different?  Yep, that happens frequently.  I have learned that it is my problem and being angry will not resolve the issue any quicker.  This is also the one that I need to work on every day.

 

    Flexibility.

Again, one that I am constantly working on but I have become much more flexible since moving to Asia.

How to receive hospitality.

It is a humbling experience to have people with less resources than you spend 3 days work of grocery money to make you a meal.  How do you thank people appropriately for that level of sacrifice?  Still trying to figure it out but I think it starts with recognizing the different ways that people help me.

Mistakes will be made, it is how you recover from mistakes that count.

How am I choosing to learn from each experience I encounter?  Will I act defensively when I fall short or learn how to handle the situation better next time?

Be humble.

I don’t have everything figured out.  Ask for help when I need it.  Come low into different situations, adopt a posture of learning and let people know I respect them through my actions.

   

   Focus on the positives.

In a city with 24 million people, it is often too easy to focus on all that can go wrong or all the things that I find annoying.  I am learning to celebrate the little things (the changing of the seasons, how beautiful clouds truly are, the different quirks of traffic, the confidence of people boldly jaywalking across a busy intersection).  I love it when I see something simple that so clearly represents this city in my mind.