Counting the Cost

Intentionally growing and developing skills means being pushed outside of your comfort zone.  I am being grown, stretched, and matured in a number of areas in my personal and professional life.  This is both equally exciting and nerve-wracking.  Allowing the Father so shape your heart to be more like His means that there will be pain and discomfort as the things of the flesh are cut away.  I know that it is ultimately worth it, but that does not mean the process is not difficult.

This week it became obvious that I am in an area of “upgrade” or growth.  A plan got changed (no big deal) but my response was out of proportion to the minor incident.  I could instantly tell that my reaction was not healthy and revealed something deeper about my heart.  When the plan for the day was changed on me, it moved me outside of my comfort zone and made me more reliant upon His Spirit to lead my actions that day. I could not control the situation and needed to accept that.  Being the sinful human that I am, it was hard to resign control even when I knew it was for the better.  

Processing my reaction with a friend, I was saying that part of my tension with the incident was because I ended up doing something I was not expecting.  I said something to the extent that “I did not sign up for what happened that day”, even though I knew it was not logically true.  My friend lovingly reminded me that I did, in fact, sign up for it.  I have dedicated my life to serve people, so whatever the people need on the day I see them I is what I need to respond to.  I signed up for doing whatever it takes to show His love to people. Often it will not be what I expected, but that is my reality.  She challenged me to count the cost of my service.  I could do something else that is predictable, measurable, safe, and keeps me in my comfort zone.  Or I would allow Him to develop me into my best self, be stretched, and learn how to serve other like He did.  There is a cost to service and I need to determine if it is worth it.

After much self-reflection and pr, I realized that my unhealthy response boiled down to fear of the unknown.  I was afraid of this new situation because I did not have the sharpened skill and I have in other areas.  I could not rely on my innate abilities but need to rely on Him for direction.  It is scary to live in the tension and step out in faith.  Counting the cost, it is worth it.  My momentary pain and discomfort is worth it to be transformed to look more like Him.  My own needs can (and should) be laid aside so that others can experience His abundant love.

Fear still creeps in but I know that it is a good sign because that means I am developing new skills.  I just need to keep reminding myself that the cost if worth it and that I have help along the way.

Facing the Giant

Last Sunday at fellowship my friend Shi shared about David and Goliath.  I have heard this story hundreds of times but the message came alive in a new way that day.  Shi examined the classic story through the lens of identity.  Israel was held captive to fear and terror of the Philistines, forgetting that the Creator of the Universe was on their side. David, a small teenager with no experience, was the only one in the land who was not focused on the power of the Philistines but on the power of God.  He was calling Saul and Israel to remember their identity as His Chosen People and the power that came with it.

David was able to defeat Goliath not because of His physical prowess or vast experience, but because he knew that the All-Powerful had called Him and equipped Him for this battle.  David’s eyes were not focused on the improbability of a teenager beating a 7 foot, highly trained warrior. David was focused on His identity as an enabled and called child of the King.  Because he knew who he was and whose he was, He gained victory over the enemy.  David’s actions remind Israel to focus on their identity and not the enemy in front of them.

I was really challenged by Shi’s message.  Like Israel in 1 Samuel 17, I am easily overwhelmed by the problem in front of me.  I focus on the details and the things that I need to “do” to solve the problem.  It is not my natural inclination to focus on my created identity in Him.  I do not immediately focus on the fact I am empowered, equipped and called for a purpose.  Instead I set my sights low and let the fear of the problem consume me.

I want to live every day knowing who I am and whose I am.  I do not want to be consumed by the giant problem in front of me.  I want to be overwhelming secure in my identity.  My prayer for 2015 is that when I am facing a decision or problem I respond out of my identity, not fear.