Showing posts with label heart posture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart posture. Show all posts

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Privilege



Watch the news, read a newspaper, or read articles on the internet and it is all but impossible to avoid the discussion regarding race relations and privilege that is currently happening the United States.  Living overseas, it if often easy for me to ignore the “hot-bed” political topics in America.  New legislation does not have too much of a direct impact on my daily life.  The current, and needed, discussion on privilege does affect me and I have been seeing its effects lately.

Living in a developing country and traveling around Asia, it is hard not to see how money is changing society and creating cavernous gaps between the rich and poor in many nations.  Travel to Manila and it is impossible to avoid the large amount of homeless people in the poorer districts and the pristinely clean streets in the central business district. In Beijing some people can afford to own multiple luxury cars costing $100,000 US Dollars or more while millions of others cannot afford to the housing prices in the city and commute 2+ hours to get to work.  Business owners can purchase anything while their employees can only afford to live in an apartment with 10 other people. 

It is easy to be the pot calling the kettle black and highlight problems in another culture while ignoring discrimination in my own culture.  Talking about systemic problems, racism, and privilege is not an easy discussion but dialogue is needed if we are to make changes and implement just policies.  These past few weeks I have been noticing how privilege affects me on a personal level and how damaging it can be.

Being an American in an Asia, I stand out. Being 5’9 with blond hair, I am usually a good deal taller than the average person around me.  Being “other, means that my daily experience of life can often be different from my local friends.  Every single building in China has a security guard (combination of cheap labor and a billion people who need to be employed). Most places even have a gate guard who tends to ask you why you need to enter a particular complex.  It is an extremely rare occasion when I am stopped by a security guard.  Most of the time I walk, ask them to open the door/gate, smile politely and walk to my destination.  Most of the time my local friends are questioned. On the rare occasion I am stopped, security guards simply want to chat and find out about my life.  There is a joke among foreigners here that if you walk with purpose and look like you know what you are doing, you can enter pretty much any building in the country.  I am rarely stopped because foreigners are respected.  Plus, I think the average security guard assumes I cannot speak Chinese and talking with me will be a fruitless endeavor. 
In addition to being a foreigner who physically stands out, when people find out I am American it adds another level of access and ease. On the bus or subway people regularly offer to give up their seats to me.  While checking out at the grocery store I have heard parents tell their children to me go first because I am a foreigner.  Being “different” means that I obtain a level of respect that if often undeserved.  I am thankful that people are more likely to assist me at the bank while if I have a problem because I am a foreigner and need help navigating an ATM in a different language, but it does bother me that I am given preferential treatment when I do not need it.  This week I went to the doctor’s for my annual eye exam.  I registered with the nurse, filled out my patient information and was told to take a seat.  I noticed that the nurse listed me at patient #9 in the schedule but I was the next person to see the doctor after the current patient was finished.  Being a white person meant I was able to jump the line.  Not going to lie it was extremely nice to not have to wait for 8 other people, but at the same time I was incredibly embarrassed and almost ashamed that because I was American I was given special treatment over grandmas, kids, and the 8 other people waiting.

There are many times in my week where I can play the “foreigner card” and ask for or accept preferential treatment.  It is easy to think “I am paying for this service and giving them a fair wage” while having an unkind attitude, while not being polite.  It boils down to a heart issue and often times what comes from my heart is not what I want it to be.  I do not model His humility and love.  I have been meditating on Paul’s description of the Son in Philippians 2.  In my interactions with EVERY person I encounter, I am to have the same mindset as JC. The Son did not consider His nature and equality with the Father something to be used to His own advantage.  He considered Himself nothing, took on the nature of a servant, and humbled Himself to the point of death.  This is so convicting.  The Creator of the universe was humble and acted like a servant at all times.  And all too often I demand service and do not serve.

I am challenged to recognize my privilege and do all that I can do limits its effects.  I want to work on becoming more humble and serving others.  I want humility to become so deeply engrained in my heart that it is my natural response.

Thursday, May 7, 2015

The 80/20 Principle



Conflict.  It is something most of us dread and will do almost anything to get out of.  Living overseas I daily interact with people from multiple cultures, personalities, and backgrounds.  Cultural misunderstandings are unavoidable. Miscommunication is common and can lead to unintentional offenses.  Additionally, we are all sinful human beings who naturally look out for our own interests above the needs of others.  Long story short, I will offend people and be offended.  I will hurt people, even when I do not mean to. Other people will inadvertently hurt me.  The question is how do I respond when I am hurt or hurt other people?

I have found the 80/20 Principle to be a great tool in dealing with conflict.  This principle states that in any conflict or disagreement, each party is responsible for part of the misunderstanding.  Even if I am not the person who started the conflict, I am responsible for my response and actions to the conflict.  They could be 80% of the problem, but I need to own my 20%. It means I need to pause, acknowledge how my actions have contributed to the issue (no matter how minor). The 80/20 Principle reminds me that I have to acknowledge my behavior and ask for forgiveness.  It is amazing how the simple act of apologizing and owning our behavior will defuse a tense situation.  The Principle helps me realize that I am never completely justified in my anger and that there is always a different side to the story.

This week I had the opportunity to live out the 80/20 Principle at work.  There was a disagreement about an action step that came out of a meeting.  Instead of justifying or defending our actions, my coworker and I were able to acknowledge our mistakes and apologize for actions that were hastily made.  Because we each quickly apologized for how our actions effected the other person, we were able to move on and resolve the issue in a relatively timely matter. We chose to talk about the problem in real time, not wait for other offenses to be added to this one incident.  Something that had the potential to fester for weeks was resolved in 20 minutes.  Relationship was strengthened because both parties took responsibility for actions.  Since the focus of the conservation was not each person attempting to get the other to admit guilt, we were able to move forward and discuss ways to avoid this problem in the future.  Instead of damaging relationship, application of this principle strengthen our working relationship and friendship.  

While I do not like conflict, I love that this principle is a tool to help me deal with conflict in a healthy manner.  It reminds me that I make mistakes, am sinful and need to repent of the things that I do wrong.  I helps me enter each conversation with a teachable spirit, listening for the other person’s heart and intention instead of focusing on getting them to apologize. It does not allow me to play victim or lay the blame solely on the other person.  It reminds me that conflict is another facet of health relationship and that when I take responsibility for my actions I show honor and respect to the other person.


Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Looking Back


As 2014 draws to a close, I have been reflecting on the lessons I have learned this year. This year I began leading a small group, have visited women in situations of exploitation, become more involved in my Sunday fellowship, have been volunteering my time to help refugees living in my area, made new friends, deepened friendships, continued studying Chinese, and traveled to four different countries.  I have learned many lessons (big and small) through each of these experiences.  One overarching principle/lessons has been evident in all of these areas: FAITHFULNESS.

2014 gave me a deeper understanding of His faithfulness.  He is faithful to fulfill everything He promised us in Scripture.  He was faithful to provide financial resources in situations where there seemed like no way out.  I saw Him work on people’s hearts and help them better understand their worth in His eyes.  I can’t even count the number of times He provided me wisdom and guidance as I was facing a challenge.  He faithfully pursued me and showed me the depths of His love.  He faithfully forgave me when I fell short.  He intervened in difficult situations and has helped people reconcile.

He also, lovingly, showed me that I am human and I will make mistakes.  I am not called to be perfect.  I am called to be faithful to do what He has asked me to do.  Success is not defined by the outcomes that I can see.  I need to remember that He is always working behind the scenes.  He is ultimately in control so I do not need to worry about all of the details outside of my control; He will take care of that.  I am responsible for showing up, engaging the situation, asking for His guidance. 

2014 was a great year.  Can’t wait to see what lessons I will learn in 2015 and how next year will teach me more about His character.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Self-Control

This week I have been listening to a Graham Cooke teaching about the Fruit of the Spirit. One particular quote jumped out at me.  Graham defines self-control as "believing the best about someone." I had never heard self-control defined that way.  Typically I would describe self-control as restraining my actions or the things I would say out loud.  Never before had I considered self-control as a check on my thoughts, feelings, or heart attitude. 

I find this definition simple but very powerful. It is not about external actions. It is about the posture of our heart.  G-d is equally as concerned with the thoughts of my heart and my internal attitude as He is about my actions towards other people.  Galatians 5:22-23 lists the attributes of the Spirit and the majority of them have to do with the posture of our hearts.  It is equally exciting and challenging to know that He is constantly wanting us to become more like Him in very thought and deed.

This quote has inspired me to be more in control of my thoughts.  Internally I need to believe the best about each person in my life.  I need to recognize the good qualities in each person, even if there is something challenging in our relationship at the moment.  I hope this new approach in my thinking will help me become a better person, friend, and leader.